Fashion
by 1Past and Present1
Summary: It's common scientific knowledge that GLaDOS looks good in a hat.


**Fashion**

Hello! Me again. You may all ready your complimentary Aperture Riot Shield Emulator (ARSE) devices before the story begins. I'll wait. ARSEs ready? Great! You'll need them to sit on!

Sometimes I write random things. Sometimes, when the planets are aligned and my sensibilities impaired by cosmic rays, I publish them. This is one of those random, pointless fics.

I know, I know. I'm supposed to post part two of _Duel_ before publishing this, but I am really struggling with it for some reason. I'll get it done eventually. Already rewritten it a hundred times so it's bound to work itself out, free of kinks and such things. Hopefully.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy my newest snippet.

* * *

We come in strutting, our best swaggers in place. We'd rehearsed ahead of time.

The normally sarcastic and sometimes even chatty GLaDOS is rendered silent upon our entrance, drawing her headpiece slowly downwards so her large, scorching yellow optic may study us more closely. It slowly roves between the testing robots and I, over and over again, digesting our appearance. Her blank face offers no input. Something ticks in her chassis, but it does nothing to reveal her thoughts. She is as enigmatic and intimidating as only she can be.

_Well?_ I pull a pose beneath her intense scrutiny, and if possible, her optic widens slightly. _What do you think?_

Orange and Blue follow my queue, and I'm thankful I brought them into this and didn't try such a stunt alone. They make great wingmen.

When she finally does speak, she sounds anything but impressed or even surprised by our change in appearance. Instead she sounds absolutely, frustratingly monotonous. "Oh, my. Who are those crazy people and why are they near me? Why are there no bullets flying? Security. Attend me here. Oops, no answer. I guess I'll have to deal with this. Myself."

I frown softly at her and attempt to jab a finger of righteous correction at her, only for my too large for my head cowboy hat to fall down over my eyes and obscure my vision. I end up poking her warm facial panel a little too roughly and I hurriedly push the hat up again, smiling apologetically and withdrawing the offending digit. _Oops! Sorry, heh…_

She blinks impassively in turn, turning her bored optic to regard the testing robots severely. "You all look like morons."

Blue and Orange seem lost at this and make the mistake of following my lead once more to poke her as I did by accident, even mimicking my sheepish smile with their optics. The effect, with Orange's fedora and Blue's bow, is adorable beyond words.

GLaDOS, however, is unaffected and aims her glare back at me, continuing to ignore the repeated pokes to her face. "What have you done to my testing robots?"

I manage to beam at her from below the brim of my dipping cowboy hat, pushing it up with a finger once again. _Well, we found this huge wardrobe…_

"You do realise," she begins softly, looking me over with a sweep of her optic. "You are in fact wearing dead people's clothes."

I blink. I can almost sense her grinning at me somehow from behind that mask of metal. It's disconcerting.

"Of course you do. Monster."

I then huff, dodging a set of pincers brought forth to knock the excellent cowboy hat off my head. _They can't wear them anymore. I'm sure they don't mind. Stop that, you big – HEY!_

She snatches the hat off my head and lifts it out of range, rising from the floor while I bounce around beneath her. "It's a nice hat," she says while turning it over for casual scrutiny. "Yes. I rather like this one. But those boots you're wearing are horrendous, by the way."

I fold my arms with a smirk, catching a glimpse of Blue reaching up to flick the fedora off of Orange, who squeals and hurriedly pursues the falling article of clothing before slapping his partner with it and carefully putting it on again, straightening with pride.

"And this," GLaDOS adds eventually, tone soft and mildly amused, waving the cowboy hat while giving me a look filled with character surpassing the emptiness of her expression. "This tomfoolery is exactly why I test you so hard. Because when you're not busy testing you're doing silly things like this. And then you drag my testing robots into it. Honestly, lunatic. I'm amazed you'll go to such lengths to get my attention."

I raise a brow, hands moving to settle on my hips.

"That's the reason. Don't try to pretend differently." She chuckles and continues in a teasing tone, "I know you're just trying to keep things fresh and exciting between us. Well, I'll admit, this was certainly a surprise. I'd been in disbelief watching you from the cameras but seeing you in person…"

I pose once more, chin raised as I pretend to finger holsters at my hips.

"The silliness is beyond previous estimations." She appears unimpressed, deflating me with a mere shake of her head. "Well done."

I quickly straighten again and flick a rebellious strand of hair over my shoulder, chest puffed out as I extend a hand to her, fingers wiggling. _Great. Can I have the hat back?_

She narrows her optic. "No."

I take a step toward her high, massive form, pulling my most suave face. _Are you sure?_

"I am."

I pucker my lips. _Please?_

"You can pout and perform all you like, but I'm not giving it back. I don't want to."

I flutter my lashes devastatingly. I have my means of getting my way, and surely she cannot refuse me now.

She shifts uncomfortably, visibly affected by my adorable charms. "Not even after that," she replies somewhat tersely, like her body is being squeezed in a vice.

I do a double take, pressing a hand to my chest as if to still a thundering heart. _Not even after the lashes? GLaDOS, you have gotten stronger._

"This hat is far too good for your head," she explains in her more normal voice, raising it on high. "And, on reflection, probably a size too large as well. No, it requires a larger, more brilliant head to adorn. Yours is _insufficient_."

I gape at her as she, with a flourish of her metallic claws, rights the hat and lowers it upon her own headpiece, perfectly straight and level.

"Ah. Much better. That is very handsome._ I_ am very handsome. Look how handsome I am, everyone." She gives a little wiggle.

Orange and Blue chirrup together, applauding their creator who turns to show herself off, much to my shocked expense.

"See? See how it compliments my shape?"

I can only stare, silent and dumbstruck. My mind struggles to register the idea of giant GLaDOS, queen of Aperture and mistress of all science, modelling a comparatively tiny cowboy hat.

She turns to me with a graceful bow, holding the hat in place with adept pincers, her optic's shutters flittering smugly. "Well, my mute. They're certainly impressed. What say you?"

I can't speak, nor can I properly think. My body does the communicating for me, arms flinging around her headpiece and cheek pressing to her smooth face, feet dangling off the floor while my inner voice squeals unhelpfully in my head. _So cuuute, GLaDOS!_

She vibrates contentedly. "I thought so."

I squeeze her harder. _Want! Want! Want!_

It doesn't help when Orange and Blue try to copy me again.

* * *

There. Absolutely pointless. Thank you for reading!

God bless, everyone.


End file.
